Reunited and it feels so good...

I decided I was going to get back into the routine of blogging again like I used to, not just updating bits here and there with months in between. And I figured the first step is to redo my layout and update everything else on my page that hasn't been updated in a year! Yes, I know it's early for Halloween layouts, but I love Halloween and I love Fall and I didn't have the patience to wait! Besides, the black kitty on the layout looks like the new addition to our family, Bauer. I put a picture of her on this post (it's not great, but it's the best I got at this point), because I thought it was fitting with my new layout. :)

I have to admit that part of the reason I feel the desire to spend time on my blog today is that Dave took the boys to Prescott and left me alone for the first time in FOREVER (or it feels like forever...really it's just been many months). WOO HOO! I have to say that since I never get to be at home alone, I am loving the peace, quiet, and solitude. I got to take a shower and actually get ready afterward without kids getting into all the bathroom stuff and feeling rushed, I got to prepare my lesson for church tomorrow without ANY INTERRUPTIONS, and I get to sit here and play on the computer. I thought I'd use this alone time to write or work on my query letter, but I just didn't feel like it, which is surprising.

I realized too that in my blogging absence, I haven't posted anything about my pregnancy at all! So here's a rundown: I am 21 weeks along and we found out 2 weeks ago that we are having our THIRD BOY (Due 1/11/11)! And wow...I'm not going to lie; I was holding out for that girl that I know is out there somewhere, and I was definitely a little disappointed. It's hard to explain, because I wasn't sad about the boy, or depressed by any means...I was happy about it, but at the same time disappointed, if that makes any sense. But I am really excited to have another little guy because I love my boys so much, and though I will be even more out-numbered than now (4 against 1), I have to admit I love that. I actually will love being the only chic...for now. And I love that my boys can be the Three Amigos and be close. Another big plus is that we already have all the boy stuff (even though I was looking forward to buying all the girlie stuff...)! So, yes I know there is a girl out there and I will get her some day, but right now I am so excited to meet this little guy!

He moves like CRAZY. I swear, he never stops. He moves more than either Sam or Josh moved, and I thought Sam moved a lot! My pregnancy is going well, considering. I do have pretty horrible back issues that flare up at the end of my pregnancies and, unfortunately, already started flaring up halfway through with this one. I have many other issues of pain down there, and even experience contractions quite often already, too, but really, other than being stiff and miserable most of the time (I say most because I'm trying to be positive...hehe), it's going extremely well and I can only feel blessed. So far, everything is going the way it's supposed to and everything is at the right size and in the right place. I'm just excited to get this little guy out of me and start the addition to our family!

A thing I struggle with, especially lately for some reason (probably those darned pregnancy hormones) is self-esteem because of what pregnancy does to your body...and I feel like it's just torn me apart and left me with a distorted body and flabby...well...everything. But I've been really trying to place all the expectations of society and the media aside and accept that having a baby has actually made me more beautiful. I have given live to three of God's children and what is more beautiful than that?

I tell you that nothing is. I feel so privileged and special to be blessed with these wonderful spirits and to have been able to nurture them and bond with them, that I wouldn't trade the best body in the world for this. After all, this is why we are on this earth as women, right--to bear God's children. And what a blessing it is! I don't take it for granted at all...

Not even when I'm laying lifeless on the couch because I can't move as the kids trash the house around me. It's all about sacrifice, right? My kids better thank me some day for all I go through to bring them into the world... ;)

There have been a lot of things going on around us, a lot of unfortunate circumstances with friends, or health problems with friends and family that really have us looking at life differently, and it's hard not to get down. It's hard not to ever think, "I'm done having kids after this, because why would I want to bring children into this unforgiving world???" But unfortunately, this is life, and though I question with "why does this happen to this person" a lot, there is nothing we can do about it and we will never have all the answers. All we can do is get through this life like intended, prove ourselves and strive for faith--which at a lot of times feels non-existent, I admit.

But even in all these things happening around us and to us, and through all the wavering, I do love my Heavenly Father and this gospel, and am so appreciative to Him and our Savior. I don't get it sometimes, I don't have answers, but I do have to strive to have faith and know that He is at the helm--no matter how bleak. I am SO extremely blessed, and I pray I will never lose sight of that. I have the most wonderful husband and children I could have ever asked for, a family I never before thought I deserved. We are healthy and well (for the most part) and provided for in so many ways. I am grateful everyday for the blessings we have and how fortunate we really are.

And to anyone who I might have been cold to or offended at all, I am truly sorry. I'm not always the best kind of friend and don't always have the best things to say (or even know what to say in general sometimes), but I do love you all and you each have made an impact on my life that I will never forget.

More on Josh

A quick update on Josh: A woman from Arizona Early Intervention program came by to do an assessment on Joshua. Not only did she ask me questions (she had a questionnaire she was filling out), but she also gave Josh certain toys to test different abilities and interacted with him. The results were that he is low in the communication area (as we expected), but average or high in every other area. Right off the bat, that isn't enough to enroll him in their evaluation/therapy program, because even his low communication score wasn't at its lowest. But based on the fact that he can't make a variety of vowel or consonant sounds (basically all he can do is "dada" type of sounds), she can put him in. It's a concern to her, but not a grave concern.

So my options were to get him going in the process, or to wait a few more months and see how he progresses. I felt best to wait at this point. She is going to send me some information on what I can be doing with him to help and a 22 month evaluation questionnaire, and in 3 months if I feel he hasn't made any progress at all, I will call her and they'll get the evaluation process going.

It is possible that with his speech and communication abilities being so low, he has a slow speech developmental issue, but it might be too early to tell. I'm not really that worried about it. He has a big brother who is bossy, overbearing, and extremely vocal, so in my opinion, he just might not feel the need to talk yet. So we will see. Hopefully in the next few months he shows signs of progression.

On the up side, he is very smart in other areas...smarter than I thought! I'm glad she came out here because it helped me realized how advanced he actually is. He understands a lot of what we are saying, but it's just hard to tell because he doesn't verbalize any of it. One of the toys he was playing with, she said he took the time to figure it out, and then understood it, and she said that in that sense, he's at a two-year-old level. Most 18-month-olds can't do it yet. Also, she showed him a book with sets of pictures and asked him to point to a certain thing (a ball, or a flower, etc.), and he got every one right! It surprised me, because I had NO idea he knew what all those things were! So I am very relieved to know that at least he is picking up on things and knowing what they are.

As far as the children's urologist (his testicles), he has an appointment with them down in Phoenix next weekend, so I will give updates on that then!

Josh Update

Josh had his 18-month checkup yesterday and here are some stats:

He is in the 50th percentile for height and only the 5th for weight...but he is healthy and eats and is doing really well, so she isn't concerned. He's just a tiny guy.

We are going to be waiting for a call from the Phoenix Children's Hospital Urologists to make an appointment to take him down there to look at his testicles (sorry if you're reading this when you're older and I'm totally embarrassing you, Josh) because they are "retractile" (haven't fully descended). Not looking forward to that, and praying everything is alright and it's an easy fix.
*I just have to add another side note about how much I LOVE living in Bagdad and being so far away from everything.

Also, we (well, mostly Dave) have been concerned for a while because Josh doesn't EVER talk. He still just makes baby noises and grunts and stuff. The only word he can say is "dada" and when I tell him to say "cheese," he will imitate the sound. But he can't (I haven't figured out if it's can't or won't yet) say anything else and if we get him to try, he just gets frustrated. He doesn't even do the sounds of animals ("What does a doggy say?" etc.). He just does a baby grunt that sounds the same for everything.

However, I can tell he understands me and picks up on all the things I am teaching him. And the doctor isn't worried about him being slow or having any mental disabilities or anything. He just might have a speech problem. Ugh.

And what we don't know at this point is if it's just his personality or if he really does have a problem. He is pretty laid back about things (100% opposite of his brother) and it could just be that he has no desire to do these things, but the dr. is still concerned. She said that by 18 months, babies should be able to say at least 10-20 words or recognizable animal sounds, etc. Josh does one. That's it.

And we only have Sam to compare him to, who learned at a remarkable rate and by 18 months was already counting to 10 and saying most of the alphabet and colors. Sam has always loved learning and would love to spend all his day having me teach him things, read, do math, or watching Your Baby Can Read! videos. And then we have Josh who has NO interest in anything intellectual. He'd rather be playing or torturing the cat than sitting in front of any learning videos, and when I try to read to him, he gets bored and tries to get off my lap.

So it could be his personality, but either way...that kind of worries us. A group called Arizona Early Intervention is going to be calling us to come out here and meet with Joshua. They are going to be doing little tests and stuff to see if he actually has a problem. If he does, he is going to need to see a speech therapist. Again, yay.

Either way, things will work out and we will get it taken care of. Of course as a parent, I'm naturally a little concerned. I just want the best for my kids and no one wants their kid to have problems. But I do know it'll work out, and other than the hassle it's going to be, I'm not TOO worried.

I'll keep everyone updated.

A New Hate For Scorpions

I never blog anymore, but I figured I should record this story. I think everyone knows about what happened to Joshua, but here are more details for anyone interested. Here's how our day went yesterday...

Josh and Sam had gotten into the food storage cabinet and were climbing around inside, taking stuff out, playing, etc. I know I should have stopped them right there, but they weren't hurting anything and I was busy (how many time do we think that as moms?). Then Sam had to go #2, so I went with him into the bathroom and before I could wipe him, Josh let out a cry of pain from the kitchen--the kind where you KNOW something is wrong.

So I ran in there and he was bawling and flexing his fingers and holding his hand and I immediately thought he got bit by something, but I looked around and didn't see any bugs, so I held him and comforted him for a few minutes. But nothing I did was calming him down (actually, he was crying harder with each minute) and not only was he flexing his hand and rubbing it, but now he was rubbing at his upper arm. That was when I decided he HAD to have gotten bitten by something. So after I checked the rest of his body, I moved around the packets of evaporated milk on the floor and there it was, hiding beneath--a small brown/clear scorpian (the smaller they are, the more concentrated the poison).

I immediately started panicking inside because I know nothing about scorpian stings, so I called Dave and he came home, but he wasn't too worried as he checked Josh out because he'd heard that scorpian stings were on the same level of a wasp sting (Guess he didn't know much either). While I called the doctor and ER (no one knew anything, by the way), Dave tried comforting him, but Josh only wanted me, so he stood in the middle of the floor, crying his head off and holding his hand while I felt like inflicting pain on myself for not being able to comfort him.

Anyway, Dave called a friend at work who is also an EMT in Bagdad and he said the last 3 kids in town that have gotten stung have had to be life-flighted out of town...so by then we were a little more nervous (Okay, I was FREAKING out inside). Then to make it worse, he started shaking really bad and that was when we took him to the clinic.

Right as we walked into the clinic, Josh was now violently shaking (and still frantically crying). The life-line guys came in and while they called in the helicopter, they (along with the nurse and doctor at the clinic) put a line in him and gave him valume (spelling?) to calm him down (after taking FOREVER to get it in him). I sat there holding him, trying with everything in me not to cry, and failing miserably as my baby thrashed around in my arms. And nothing was working. On top of his convulsions, which they told us were normal and that he was just freaking out because of the pain, he was starting to have breathing problems--which they also told us was okay and normal. But how do I feel okay when he can hardly cry because he is wheezing and gasping for breath???

Anyway, way too long later, the helicopter arrived while I was at home with Sam gathering all our things so I could drive down to Phoenix (Dave flew in the helicopter with them; I couldn't because I am pregnant). Becuase of his small size and age (I think), they were directed to fly him to Phx Children's Hopital, rather than to the hospital in Prescott. During all this, I don't think I have ever been more scared for either of my children before. I was an absolute emotional mess, and no matter how many times I reitterated in my head their words that this was normal and that he'd be fine, I couldn't shake the doom inside and the fact that I wasn't with my baby during this time. So amidst my frantic packing and driving, I had uncontrolable tears and constant prayers that Heavenly Father wouldn't take my baby from me now. Usually I'm able to see the logic and convince myself of the reality that everything will be fine, even through my fear and love for my kids, but that was a foreign ability and I lacked whatever faith I needed that told me he was going to be fine.

Come to find out later, while I was prayng my guts out and freaking out on the drive, fruitlessly trying to convince myself that he was fine in the helicopter with Dave, he actually wasn't fine. They realized that the IV line they so messily "placed" in him at the clinic wasn't really in him at all (or in the right spot), so all the medication they gave him didn't even penetrate that whole time. ONE MORE reason I don't want to touch the clinic with a ten foot pole. So before they could take off, they had to properly place the line, which also took some time.

By this time, Joshua was convulsing pretty horribly, making even my calm-mannered, logical husband freak out. But a few minutes later, once in the air, he calmed down a little bit. He still convulsed though, even with the meds, becuase they explained that on someone as small as him, the scorpian poison attacks the muscular system, causing involuntary muscle spasms and making his eyes dart around. So even though he was calmer, his limbs were still in a spasm and his eyes all crazy.

They then got him to the hospital, where shortly after, the toxicologist told Dave they just so happen to have some new scorpian anti-venum that is still in testing stages and not approved by the FDA yet, but that if we don't give it to him, he could still be convulsing 24 hours from now, where as with the anti-venum, he could stop within 2 hours. So of course Dave signed off on it. And it just so happens they only had four vials of the anti-venum remaining--all of which Josh used, and it was JUST enough.

So by the time Josh had calmed down and the medication started to make a difference, he'd been having this reaction for over two hours (during which his heartrate was over 200). So he'd basically been having a siezure for two hours strait. The doctors were very concerned and classified his case as a class 4, which is the highest it can be. So needless to say, I wasn't worried for nothing. The bad feelings I was having the whole time were in fact legitimate, along with the horrible feeling Dave had the night before that something was going to happen.

I'm just glad I didn't know how bad it really was during this time becuase if I did, I'm sure I would have been so beside myself that I wouldn't have been able to drive. I was already enough of a mess as it was...just for the fact that I couldn't be with my baby.

So anyway, by the time I got there, he had JUST started to relax, but he was sooo tired and out of it and lethargic from all the medication, that he was just laying in Dave's arms. But regardless, as soon as he saw me he started crying and trying to reach for me, which made my heart lurch outside of my chest.

So after a long day of holding him (I didn't get to go pee for about five hours becuase he wouldn't let me put him down and I didn't want to leave him), they admitted us becuase even though the anti-venum removed all the poison from his system, they wanted to watch us over night to see if he got any residual side effects. Plus, his breathing wasn't at the levels they wanted it to be at, which they say was just from the congestion/cold he'd had all week, but they still had to make sure.

So after a long day and night of getting moved three times (and many ups and downs), they finally removed his oxygen tubes and we got to settle...and finally saw little bits of Joshua slowly return. Especially when he ate a whole crustables sandwhich from the cafeteria and drank a bunch of water and juice (he was STARVING). When we finally got him to sleep that night, he was so tuckered out and drugged up that he slept like a rock all through the night and never even flinched when the monitors kept beeping or when all the nurses came in to check him and the kid next to him.

Different story for me though. Unfortunately Dave couldn't stay with me, so he stayed at Brand and Tiffany Stewart's house (where Sam was). I tried sleeping on that fold-out chair next to Josh's crib, but couldn't get a single wink in all night. So instead I watched my angel of a baby sleeping soundly and pondered everything. This was such a wake-up call to me and I couldn't stop thanking Heavenly Father over and over again for His intervention and that we were so blessed.

The doctors told us that if it wasn't for the anti-venum, he would have been intibated (spelling again?) in the ICU that night, without a doubt. So that just makes me even more grateful. It makes me overwhelmed with gratitude that we have such a loving Heavenly Father who answers our prayers and who sent us to the right hospital, with just enough anti-venum left for Josh (it doesn't hurt that because it was a trial, the drug that will someday be $1000 per vial was free). I can't even think of where he would be right now had he not had it, or had we been flown to Prescott instead...where they didn't have it.

How grateful I am for the power of prayer and that the Lord so obviously does love us and provides a way! I am SO grateful for all the prayers we recieved and for everyone who kept their prayers and thoughts on my baby Josh! This was one of the scariest things that's happened in my life and I'm sure anyone who's had to see their child in that kind of state can agree with me. But we have been blessed and I felt the power of all the prayers!

Anyway, it was a long, grueling day and night, but this morning he was even more himself and doing great. Other than droopy eyes and still being pretty lethargic, he was normal again. So after a less grueling, but still annoying, morning/day, he was finally discharged.

And Dave and I both felt it was best in many ways if I stay here in the valley with Josh so that we are close by just in case we see any other strange side effects or something else happens and we have to bring him back--rather than being in the middle of nowhere again. Plus, that way Dave can go home and thuroughly clean the whole house and spray (he wouldn't be able to with the kids there) before we come home. We are going to make damn sure (excuse my language) that we don't see anymore scorpians in our home.

So Josh, Sam, and I are at the Stewarts' tonight and will be until this weekend when Dave can come get us again. It sucks being stranded and not being able to go home (especially when I feel so awful from pregnancy/lack of sleep), but there is nowhere I feel more at home besides my own house than at the Stewarts, and this is definitely the best choice--regardless of how badly I miss my husband and wish he was here. It is so hard for us to be apart right now, especially because we all need/want each other. I am so grateful for the Stewarts and their hospitality throughout all of this. Sam has been in heaven becuase Brand is his idol and he is just excited that we will be staying the whole week with them.

Josh was so cute when we first got here, too. He was so excited just to be out of the hospital so as soon as we walked in and he saw his brother playing with the keyboard and dancing, he jumped down and tried dancing with him. He looked like a drunk baby and fell a few times because of the drugs still in his system, but it made me soooo happy to see him happy.

I am just SO grateful for my children and this experience made me realize how deeply I would do ANYTHING for them. I am going to do everything in my power to make sure this never happens again and I know I can't always protect them every second of every day, but I can't help but want to wrap them up and never let go of them.

Anyway, it's been a long day and a half, and I need to go to bed. But through it all, I am overwhelmed with just how blessed we've been! Goodnight all!

Oh, and along with all our thanks, thank you to Bishop Johnson for stopping by the hospital and helping Dave give Josh a blessing. We are so grateful for your willingness to help...and for the fact that you just so happened to be so close! Another answer to our prayers!

He Is Risen!

Happy Easter everyone! So far, it's been a pretty great weekend. I am grateful for my DVR, because if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have been able to watch conference much at all, but I've been able to watch every talk. Listening is another story. It's hard to pay complete attention when you have little ones begging for it constantly. But I have loved hearing conference this weekend. I love when Easter falls on conference weekend. The last time I remember this happening was when I was a kid and I have very fond memories of us all lounging in our pajamas and eating Easter candy while we watched conference. Actually, I think it was the same year mom decided to try all sugar-free candy. Needless to say, there was a lot of trips to the bathroom that weekend.

Anyway, this morning Sam was VERY excited to get his Easter toys and Easter candy from the Easter Bunny. We just got the boys a few little cheap toys and then had a mini Easter egg hunt in our backyard. Sam LOVED it and was getting so excited, but Josh wasn't too thrilled. He still doesn't like being on the grass, so he just stood there and sucked on an egg while Sam found them all. I have been trying to remind Sam all day what the real reason for Easter is, and that Jesus was resurrected on this day, but I think all that's going through his mind is money and candy.

Oh, we also had eggs filled with money. He loved that almost more than the candy I think. He loves putting money in his piggy bank.

Then between sessions, Dave and I went shooting with Wes and Mandy Schultz (great way to celebrate Easter, right??) while their daughter, Naomi, watched our kiddos. It was fun, but it just made me realize how much work I still need. Practice, practice, practice.

In about an hour we are going to have Easter dinner with the Schultz's, and if it wasn't for them, we'd be warming up leftovers for dinner tonight.

This last week we had the New Beginnings program in Young Womens and it went well, considering how little time we had to plan it. It was rusty in parts, but the girls really benefited from it, I feel, and that is the most important thing. I really love our girls and love my calling and as they were singing their musical number, I was just overcome with the spirit at how special they are and I realized how much love I have for them. It was so spiritually edifying for me and I'm grateful for serving in the YW program...even though 98% of the time I feel completely inadequate.

I am so grateful for my Savior and that he was resurrected for me and atoned for my sins! I love Him and I am grateful for this holiday that we have to think of Him and remember what He has done.

On Friday, to take advantage of Dave's day off, we spent a lot of the day in Jerome (about 30 mins. North of Prescott). It's an old mining town, so it's "haunted" (ooooooh), and it's such an old, cute, fun little town in the mountains. We ate at a little old place called the Haunted Hamburger and though it was crowded and we waited forever for our food, the food was great. It was a fun day, just for the fact that it was something different from the norm.

Josh is starting to talk now (kind of). He will say mama if I ask him, and dada, and perhaps the cutest is when he says "Hi." It's ADORABLE.

The boys with their Easter baskets, before the eggs.


Dave leading the kids in the direction of the eggs (he had just changed the oil in the car, hence the jumpsuit).



Josh in his permanent place on the lawn.

Staring to cry because he wanted to move...

Chewing on his Easter elephant.

Sam on our new ottoman/coffee table/chest.

Josh at the Haunted Hamburger.

My Superman

I just wanted to give an update on Sam. He got his stitches out today and his ear is looking great! He was SO brave at the ER, too. He was very calm and didn't even freak out when they took his vitals and his temp. And he got right up into the chair on his own and didn't let out the slightest whimper as one nurse held his head in place and the other removed them. It went very smoothly.

Here he is doing his "suave" happy face before they came in.


We got a new coffee table/ottoman tonight too, that I am very excited about. It's a solve-all for every problem. We wanted to get an ottoman anyway, and we found one that works as a coffee table too. It's leather and has soft edges, so I don't need to worry about split ears anymore, and it also has these huge compartments for things--like the blankets and diapers, which the kids get into ALL the time now. The nice thing is, they won't be able to get into this one because the top is too heavy too lift. Plus, you can turn the top over to make a hard wood surface for coffee table use. Very nice.

And we are going back and forth on the whole haircut thing for Sam. It's definitely time for one, but we just LOVE his blond hair. I love running my fingers through it and how it curls in just the right way after a bath. It's a tough call...

I am really excited because I decided, on a whim, to take a trip with the boys out to Utah in two weeks to see my siblings (with Dave's consent, of course). I am SOO excited! I will be staying with Cindi most of the time, and then With Heather for two days. I can't wait to see them, and to see my other siblings.

And then in May, my mom is flying me out to Colorado for a laid-back one-on-one weekend with them. And get this.....WITHOUT THE BOYS!!! Yay! I am so excited. I have never ever been without either of my kids over night (except when I was in the hospital having Josh and you can't count that). I think it'll be really hard for me not to miss them, but it will be so much fun...and just what I need!!! I have a wonderful husband (and wonderful friends) for allowing it and staying with the boys. Thanks everyone for making this possible....and especially you, mom!

And this is just a really cute pic of Josh all dressed up. We took the boys to get vintage portraits done at Sam's club (weird I know, but the company that does them was there promoting) and Josh wasn't very happy with his hat.

"I don't wanna be Superman!"

Well, the last place I expected to be tonight was the ER. But I suppose everyone who has an emergency thinks that. That's why they call them emergencies, right? So, here's a narrative retelling of our adventurous night:

It was about 3:30 in the afternoon. I had just put Josh down for a nap, played "school" with Sam (taught him the sounds of letters and some minor addition problems), then put him in front of Toy Story 2 and was sitting down at the table expecting to have quiet time while I read my best friend's manuscript. Well, as quiet as can be in a house with a three-year-old still running free.

Just as I sat down, the sounds of a sharp thump followed by a tortured scream brought me to my feet. I ran in the other room to find Sam lying on the ground by our coffee table holding his ear. I immediately knew he'd hit his head on the corner of the coffee table (I always worry about the sharp edges), but thought it'd be nothing more than a bruise, like his little brother earned last week.

Until I saw the bits of blood on his hands. It's okay, I thought. No reason to panic just yet.

Then I gently moved his hand and my stomach rose at the sight of open flesh and gushing blood. That's when the panic settled in. I always worry what I will do if my kids get hurt in extreme ways like this if Dave isn't home because I am a total loss when it comes to thinking rationally and collectively in situations like this, and when I saw that the edge of Sam's ear had been sliced into and was hanging down and revealing the fleshy cartilage, I just about lost it. With a woozy head, I shamefully admit that the first words to fly from my careless mouth were, "Oh, sh**!" I know, I know. But you can scold me later.

I immediately shot to my feet and ran to the bathroom, instantly realizing the last thing this kid needed was his nurturing mother making things worse. He was already screaming and crying and freaking out enough as it was. So, mustering every ounce of poise I could gather, I calmly set him on the sink, grabbed a wet rag and placed it against his ear as I tried consoling him. As a million thoughts ran through my mind of the clinic and emergency rooms and my baby asleep down the hall--along with the concern of whether holding the rag against his ear was the right thing in the meantime--I called Dave.

Thankfully, he was just down the street and came immediately, where he took Sam without hesitation and drove to the clinic. By then the gaping, hanging ear flesh was back together because I had pushed it back together amidst calming my son and telling him how strong he was (the whole time screaming inside as my stomach rose and head spun).

After gathering our things (including Josh), I met them at the Bagdad clinic only to arrive in time to one of the P.A.s telling Dave they didn't have the proper tools here to get the job done effectively, so they bandaged his head and sent us on our way to the Prescott ER.

And of course they charged us.

Anyway, by this time Sam had some IBU Profin in his system and had gotten some Cars stickers, so he was feeling a little better. He actually slept the whole way to Prescott.

When we got to the reception desk in the ER, they immediately knew who we were, thanks to Bagdad calling ahead of us, but as soon as she started asking questions, Sam instantly interjected, "I'm all better now, lady."

We had fun counting and talking and playing with him while we waited (for forever it felt). Sam seemed to be doing great sitting there on the bed, seemingly unaware that his ear was severed or that his had was wrapped like a mummy. He and Josh both laughed their little heads off as Dave put on a show with a rubber glove and blew it up like a balloon.

At one point we were even talking about taking him to get ice-cream afterwards and that we were in Prescott and he adamantly insisted, "No, we are not in Prescott. We are at Doctor House's." We had a good laugh, especially because we have never mentioned Dr. House around him before...that we know of.

Then the wonderful P.A. came in and ruined all joy. She was fabulous, but Sam wasn't too aware of her charm--only that he knew something was coming. Here was her opening conversation with him:
P.A. Dawn: "I heard you hurt your ear."
Sam: "Yeah."
P.A. Dawn: "Were you running?"
Sam: "Yeah."
P.A. Dawn: "Did you hit your head on the table?"
Sam: "Yeah. And I was hurting and pooping and watching red Toy Story."

Let me explain that a little. Supposedly, right before the incident, Sam had pooped (I know...still in a diaper. That's another story for another time), which we couldn't end up changing until right before we left the clinic, considering the circumstances. And he calls Toy Story 2 "red Toy Story" because the first one is blue and the second one is red.

The procedure was pretty torturous--almost as much for me as it was for him. First, she numbed the area with lidocaine, which was the worst, most excruciating and painful part.

Let me deter for a brief moment. This whole thing has been hard for me to stomach. I have a weak stomach when it comes to stuff like this anyway, but add one of my children to the mix and I feel that if I let myself, I could easily faint. I know this is something so simple and easy to fix and it could have been a lot worse--trust me. I know all these things. But minor or not, I was still queasy all night. The whole drive to Prescott, my mind kept wandering and I kept playing the "what if" scenarios over in my mind, imagining worse things happening, etc. Because, I told myself, someday they will. I hate that thought. If I have this hard of a time with something like this, how will I react if a much worse injury happens? Even the sight of his blood staining my shoulder made my stomach turn (when it happened, before I held the flesh back together, it was gushing blood and it got all over Sam and me. Needless to say, I didn't have time to change before we left for the ER).

So anyway, back to the procedure. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it--I couldn't even handle looking at it, mainly just in knowing it was my son--so I left with Joshua and walked around on the other end of the big room with bunches of ER beds. I could still see and hear from a distance, but I was trying with everything in me not to let it get the best of me. I could immediately tell when they injected him with the needle because he let out the highest blood-curdling screams that just tore my heart into a million pieces. Looking down the way and seeing that little blonde head pinned to the bed broke my heart.

Then it got worse when he instinctively started calling, "Mommy! I want mommy!" So of course I ran over immediately and stood close to him at his eye level, constantly reassuring him that I was there and that he was so brave for the remainder of the procedure. Something about knowing how he instantly wanted me there made my heart swell. Knowing your kids need you and depend on you is the greatest feeling in the world. I love my Sam so much.

Anyway, before they started the whole procedure, in order to keep his arms down, they put his arms behind his back in a pillow case (which they told him was like a Superman cape--he liked that idea until the next step), then wrapped a sheet tightly around him in a straight jacket effect. Then they laid him on his tummy and put a paper towel thing over his head while one nurse holds his head down, Dave holds his body down, and the P.A. sews.

It was utterly heartbreaking to see that little face beneath the paper crying for me. It was so cute though, because over and over again he kept crying, "I don't wanna be Superman!"

So....(sigh) five stitches later, here we are. Back at home, safe and sound. His ear looks pretty gruesom and reminds me of something similar to Frankenstein. But it should heal fast and in five days, we return to the ER and have them remove the stitches. And considering he will be free of infections (we are crossing our fingers), he will be as good as new with the exception of a cool scar.

Our next step is to buy some sort of protective guards for the edges of our coffee table. Because they are overly sharp.

A couple of times on the way home tonight, we had to check on him as he slept in the backseat to make sure he was still conscious and all (overly worried parents and a head injury aren't a good combo), but as soon as he spoke, letting his usual attention-to-detail self shine through, we knew he was okay. "Daddy, we have to stop by the doctor on the way home because your truck is still there." So incredibly smart.

Then tonight before bed, he sat on his bed whimpering because Dave had just shown him his battle wound in the mirror (great doing, daddy) and he was afraid to lay down because he didn't want to bleed everywhere. But then I told him he was brave like Buzz Lightyear, and since Buzz is his hero lately, he was content with that.

So that was our adventure of the night, long and drawn out for your enjoyment. :) It's just times like this, no matter how small and insignificant, that make you realize your blessings in your life and how rich and abundant the life of a parent is. I love being a mother. It is the greatest calling I could ever have in this life and my children are absolutely everything to me. It's too bad we can’t create a perfect, pain-free life for our children on this earth. It makes you wonder how Heavenly Father feels.

Anyway, here are a few pictures I took with my phone to capture the highlights of the evening (I wish I had had our normal camera):

This was after his head was "mummied" at the Bagdad clinic, before they sent us packing to the ER.

This is what it looked like after the skin had stuck together again, after removing the bandages and before the stitches. That slice was all open before and exposing the flesh as it hung open. (Yes, I am trying to gross you out)

In his little gown...knowing something unfun lay around the corner, but clueless of just how bad it really was...

After they wrapped him, but before turning him over. Letting it drain a little.

One of the few pictures Dave took. None of them do it justice (I still wish I would have somehow been sane enough to take pictures after it first happened), but this is her sewing him up.

And this is the end result, with an ear full of lidocaine and stitches that make him look like Frankenstein.