Monday, May 23, 2011

Here I am. In a Nutshell.

My life is full of happiness, joys, blessings, and lots of great days. I'm aware that I have a great life and a wonderful family, and, really, when it all comes down to it, I have no reason to complain. I just want to point that out.

And get it out of the way.

Because due to some recent spikes in less-than-happy things in my life (one of our kittens dying tragically, to name just one), I’ve been kind of a buzz-kill the last few days.

I know, I know. I need to be positive and move on, despite the extra lack of sleep (Luke is teething and back to not taking good naps or sleeping well at night. Nor letting me put him down without that trademarked high-pitched screaming that says, “How dare you think you can actually get anything done around here?!”).

And, despite the few--okay, lots more than a few--extra pounds I’ve been wallowing about lately. No more using the excuse that I "just had a baby." What happened to the whole claim that nursing moms lose weight faster?

To me it’s looking like a fairy tale, ladies. And I can only use the elliptical for so long before I realize my kids are destroying things while in the absence of my attention. So throw me a frickin’ bone here [insert whoever I feel like directing this at] and at least let me get back to my pre-baby-growing size.

Okay, moving on from that. In light of my loss of vigor and optimism, I feel like making a list of some things that make me me (some inspired by recent events and others at random placement). Good, bad, embarrassing--I don’t care. I am who I am, and on most days, I actually like that.

So, just in case you ever get quizzed...

  • If I actually let myself, I could probably eat a whole cake in one sitting. Beyond any food, even chocolate, cake is my downfall.
  • I still mourn my Dyson and have a little buyer's remorse for my Kirby.
  • The romantic fluff is my favorite substance in movies and books. If there isn't any, the rest of the content better be damn good.
  • I swear sometimes. Okay, more than sometimes. But--to all you gasping for the innocent ears of my children--I do watch myself around my kiddos. And church members.
  • The judgement, naivety, and close-mindedness from church members is the highest pet peeve on my list of pet peeves.
  • The whole mumbo-jumbo of religion and doctrine in general, and who's right and wrong--even in my own religion--is really tiring me out.
  • Pictures of posey teenage girls taken by themselves are high on the pet peeve list, too. Maybe even #2. Especially ones with the crooked pout and the sideways peace gesture.

  • Doctors are climbing really high on my hit list right now. All except my kiddos' pediatrician, who I found after a rigorous search and is wonderful. As far as I'm concerned, besides her, there aren't any left with good hearts in this world, who truly care about the patient and figuring out what's wrong with them. Since when does someone whose services we pay out of our butt for feel they have the right to treat us like we're wasting their time??

  • I hate corned beef. I only eat it on the special occasion that we make it because it's my husband's favorite food. There's nothing right about it.

  • Dora the Explorer is the bane of my existence.
  • I am horrible at anything crafty. I don't sew. I don't have a nack for home decor, and am basically clueless when it comes to knowing whether or not something looks good. And I'm only a decent cook. So, basically, I fail at the Susy Homemaker test.
  • My passion involves a laptop and solitude, and sometimes, I admit, that writing is all I want to be doing.
  • At this given moment in my life, if I was given the opportunity to spend twenty-four hours doing whatever I wanted, I'd go to a hotel completely and utterly alone, and write.
  • I want other people to read what I have labored over. Regardless of whether or not I'm good enough, I want to be known for writing--and maybe even make a little dough on the side.
  • Grammar mishaps really bother me. Like, a lot. Irregardless is not a real word, people.
  • Sometimes my kiddos still see me naked. And that's not good, since Sam is almost four. But that's what happens when you have three small children, a busy husband, and you are shower-deprived. Sometimes, it's unavoidable. So sue me.
  • I nurse in front of my kids because I want them to be accepting of it. It irks me when mothers are so hush-hush about breastfeeding and don't even speak of it. It's not a sexual thing, ladies, no matter how much society wants it to be. It's a beautiful thing and a God-given way to feed and nourish our babies.
  • Though I know it's not (do I really?), sometimes I feel like praying is a waste of time.
  • Next to losing a child, my biggest fear is my children losing their father, or me, and having someone else raise them.
  • I Hate bugs. Hate with a capitol H. And one of the biggest offenders are moths. There, I said it. I'm "afraid" of moths. And crane flies.

  • If asked, I'd say the Book of Mormon is my favorite book, because it is, yet I haven't really read it in almost four years.
  • I love dry humor. I love anything comedic.
  • I'm addicted to late night comedy/talk shows and DVR some of them regularly. Conan is my guilty pleasure.

  • I'm socially awkward sometimes. And physically awkward all the time.
  • I have the worst temper in the world, thanks in part to the genes of my father. It almost prevented my husband from marrying me. And now I see it in my kids. Uh-oh.
  • The best sound to my ears isn't rain or waves or anything emo like that. It's the word "Mommy" on my two-year-old's lips.
  • I truly feel that with all of these things aside, my children are my greatest blessing in life. They are the best part of me, an extension of who I am--my flesh and blood. And my life would be nothing without them. Poop, screaming, annoyances and all.


Steve, Jillian, and Addison said...

Love it. I so enjoy reading your "stuff"

~Beck~ said...

Beautiful writing. I'm glad that you are so okay with letting people know about you and that you aren't perfect, but that it is okay. So many women try to be perfect and keep up a front or try to fool people, you don't, and that is what makes you amazing. :)

Jen said...

Oh I love this list...can really relate to a lot of them. I nursed in front of my other children, am socially awkward sometimes, my biggest fears are what you fear also...scary.
So glad I found you!!

M. Hicks said...

I think your comment about nudity and breast feeding hit me the hardest. You're right about it being nourishing and not sexy, and I think there's nothing wrong with being naked in front of your own kid as long as they know it's appropriate at home and with family.
You don't need to be ashamed about nursing, why be ashamed about having a body?
I am scared of wolverines.

Mel said...

I like your list. It appeals on many levels. Most of all, that moms are allowed to - nay, need to - have opinions, hobbies, strengths and weaknesses.

And, on the breast feeding issue, I cannot believe how many women I talk to who are just horrified by it. I have spent so much time trying to get younger women to understand that breast are not sex objects but we literally have them for nourishing children. I will never, ever understand this taboo.

lori said...

I love this, and I love this side of you, writing-wise. Humor is always good. My favorite on your list was,

"At this given moment in my life, if I was given the opportunity to spend twenty-four hours doing whatever I wanted, I'd go to a hotel completely and utterly alone, and write."

I always crave solitude, and I think this would be the ultimate luxury, to go away just to write. Great post!

lindsayfield said...

This is an AWESOME list... and I agree with you on soooo many of these points.

I loved this - a different look at you... Thanks!!

Anastasia said...

Nice! We should get together and eat an entire chocolate cake together!